| INFORMATION |
What
Is Bethesda Healing Ministry
By Judith A. Schlueter, LPC
Bethesda Healing Ministry, Director
Bethesda Healing Ministry is a pool of healing, a place
of hope and mercy for all men and women wounded by abortion.
It is a place, currently St. Margaret of Cortona, where
men, women, trained laity, professionals and clergy chaplain
gather the 2nd and 4th Mondays of each month (7-9p.m.) to
support, reflect and seek healing through the use of a scripturally
based manual and the wisdom and love of those who have been
there. Bethesda Healing Ministry is not about the place,
but the people.
Those seeking acceptance and forgiveness arrive at Bethesda
days, months and even thirty-eight years after one or multiple
abortions. Most have carried with them the heavy burden
of guilt, shame, self hatred and isolation typical of post
abortion syndrome (PAS). They are surprised that others
gather to talk about their horrific experience with openness
and candor and courageously invite newcomers to experience
the joy of healing. Those who have remained in the ministry
an extended time, participated in ministry retreats and
additional peer training are discerned to enter a helping
category known as Bethesda Companions.
Most individuals are made aware of Bethesda Healing Ministry
through personal contact, posters, brochures, parish bulletins,
referrals and the Catholic Times. The newcomer makes a phone
call to one of two Bethesda phone lines making contact with
a Bethesda Companion. The first phone call is always one
of compassion, understanding and welcome. Following the
first call, the newcomer is offered a mailing with additional
information about Bethesda and material to read about the
ministry and post abortion healing information. He/she is
also invited to attend the next session on the calendar.
She/he is asked if a phone call follow-up would be helpful
and if the number given is a safe confidential place to
call and at what time of the day or night.
Those who attend Bethesda Healing Ministry find an immediate
support system and the relief that accompanies such emotional,
relational safety. Though abortion is a legal industry,
it leaves wounds in the deepest recesses of a woman's soul.
Men are also wounded by abortion and will find support and
healing.
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Most individuals are made aware of Bethesda
Healing Ministry through personal contact, posters, brochures,
parish bulletins, referrals and the Catholic Times. The
newcomer makes a phone call to one of two Bethesda phone
lines making contact with a Bethesda Companion. The first
phone call is always one of compassion, understanding and
welcome. Following the first call, the newcomer is offered
a mailing with additional information about Bethesda and
material to read about the ministry and post abortion healing
information. He/she is also invited to attend the next session
on the calendar. She/he is asked if a phone call follow-up
would be helpful and if the number given is a safe confidential
place to call and at what time of the day or night.
Those who attend Bethesda Healing Ministry find an immediate
support system and the relief that accompanies such emotional,
relational safety. Though abortion is a legal industry,
it leaves wounds in the deepest recesses of a woman's soul.
Men are also wounded by abortion and will find support and
healing.
Bethesda Healing Ministry is a program approved and supported
by Project Rachel of the Columbus Catholic Diocese. While
unashamedly Catholic, it invites and welcomes individuals
of all faiths. It is a common experience that all who come
seeking healing, at some point, also encounter Jesus Christ.
In articles soon to be published in the Catholic Times,
the reader will be introduced to the men and women of the
ministry and their stories of invitation and hope. It is
their heartfelt desire to reach out to those who are in
pain and have ceased to believe.
Bethesda Healing Ministry is an affiliate of the Sisters
of life, N.Y. The Ministry has been in existence for nine
years. Bethesda is advised and supported by a Board of committed
Catholic men and women who share the mission and vision
of Jesus the Good Shepherd, who "left the ninety-nine to
go after the one who was lost". Bethesda enjoys widespread
support of local clergy and the Pontifical College Josephinum.
Those interested in participating in the ministry, or desire
to volunteer or financially support the ministry are invited
to call 614-718-0277 or 614-309-2651.
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Dealing With Post-abortion Syndrome
By Jenny and S.V.
Post-abortion Syndrome is prevalent among abortion survivors,
women and men. It is overwhelming, yet can be patiently
dealt with in a loving, forgiving, faith-filled environment
like the Bethesda Post-abortion Healing Ministry. Jenny,
a Bethesda member, shares this aspect of her healing journey.
Jenny: Before I found Bethesda Post-abortion Healing Ministry,
I didn't know there was such a thing called Post abortion
Syndrome (PAS). All I knew was, every January, I got the
blues. These feelings of sadness hit me each year around
the anniversary of my abortion. Depression manifested in
feelings of low self-worth, shame and guilt. All the joy
and hope that accompanies the Christmas season would leave
me. I felt undeserving of the love and forgiveness of our
precious Savior.
"PAS describes the common emotional
and behavioral symptoms that appear over time in those who
have experienced abortion. This syndrome closely resembles
post-traumatic stress disorder. Symptoms include: anxiety,
stress, withdrawal, isolation, self-hatred, inability to
forgive self, fear of punishment from God, guilt, depression,
sorrow, grief, regret, despair, shame, unworthiness, self-condemnation,
anniversary reaction (related to due dates or date of abortion),
aversion to children and/or pregnant women, and an inability
to trust and form lasting relationships." (Bethesda Manual)
I embodied many of these symptoms in varying degrees during
the 15 years after my abortion. Things would trigger my
PAS, like a pro-life bumper sticker or an
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abortion news story. I felt judgment and condemnation
from these things, which fed my emotions of low self-worth.
The sound of a vacuum cleaner, dental suction, the smell
of a certain cologne or a song on the radio, may trigger
a PAS reaction in other women. Whatever the reason for our
reactions, the cause is the same for all of us.
After a long bout with despair over my abortion, I sought
help from a Project Rachel counselor. With her help, I came
to know I was suffering unresolved grief over the loss of
my child. I was so relieved when I discovered my pain was
common among those who had abortion. Most women are haunted
by guilt and regret for years afterward. At last, I had
permission to grieve the death of a child. I lived so many
years with this pain, but didn't know how to change. I didn't
know how to heal. My counselor referred me to the Bethesda
Post-abortion Healing Ministry. Bethesda gave me the needed
direction to travel the road to self-forgiveness and sacramental
reconciliation. I was comforted being in company with other
survivors who shared similar experiences. Through their
support, I gained the strength to face my past and finally,
I learned to forgive myself.
Anniversaries will always be difficult for me, but I can,
now, face each January with peace. my child has a name,
and he’s safe in the arms of Our Lord. I know that...
God and my child have forgiven me. I believe that one day
I will hold my child in my arms.
If you are living with PAS, be assured you are not crazy;
your pain is real. You deserve the healing that can only
come through Christ. God knows the tremendous pain you are
feeling. He wants you to be at peace with him, again. I
encourage you to come to his healing through Bethesda.
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Men Seek Healing
For Abortion, Too
Bethesda is a place of mercy for ALL touched by abortion.
"How blessed is the man who finds wisdom, and the man who
gains understanding" (Proverbs 3:13). Our Father, God, is
reaching out loving arms to human fathers who are suffering
unhealed abortion scars. One such human father, Bethesda
participant Alan, shares the following:
"As I've
read the articles in our series, I thought 'these women
are true survivors.' They take responsibility for the act
of abortion without denial, knowing it's going to be a painful
journey, yet they are determined to know God's forgiveness
personally. This is courage.
"What about MEN, the
fathers who decided to abort their children? How are they
affected? And, if they are, do they have a right to sort
out their feelings, to seek reconciliation? After all, in
many cases, it's the would-be father who doesn't support
a pregnancy. Often, they want to 'get away' without the
responsibility of parenting.
"I held these attitudes
at the time of my girlfriend's pregnancy and advised her
to proceed with an abortion. Much later, I came to understand
the real crisis my abortion decision was. I had done something
totally against my natural instinct to love my child. Here
was an act against everything I wanted to be as a father
and my hopes for my child. The conflict between what I knew
was right, and an ever-increasing awareness of what I had
done was hardly bearable.
"As I grew older, things
only got worse. Feelings of failure for having walked away
from my girlfriend and my child turned to anger directed
toward myself, and other. More symptoms worked their way
to the surface: emptiness, denial of all feeling, strong
reactions to other losses, being out-of-control, blame shifting
and fault finding. To men wounded by abortion, these issues
are common.
"Its very natural for men to feel afraid
to talk about their feelings- at first. Sharing my story
with a trusted listener
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was one of the most important interactions
of my life. God has forgiven me, but I cannot forget the
abortion. Now, God has surrounded these memories with mercy,
touched the wounds with healing compassion, assisted me
through friends and Bethesda companions and priest/chaplains.
"As a first step, I asked my parish priest if "we could
talk about a few things." Kind concern led him to inquire
if something deeper was bothering me. I felt safe enough
to open up discussion of post-abortion issues, without fear
of rejection.
"Through a pattern of self-destructive
behavior and self-imposed isolation, I became bitter, distrusted,
withdrawn and passive-aggressive. I refused to be consoled,
resisting people's attempt to help. Self-forgiveness was
out of the question. The priest suggested my volunteer work
with nursing-home residents (some of God's forgotten children),
was a way to compensate by pleasing God: letting him see
that I really did value human life, in spite of the decision
to abort my child.
"My heart was ready to take
the first step of that healing journey. A counselor led
me to the Bethesda support group, where I found friends
with whom I could, finally, be real. Telling others my story
was an immediate relief. I no longer had to be pretend to
be OK. I could be emotionally honest with myself, others
and God for the first time. As I bring new truths to God
for healing, the process continues.
"Consequences
of the inner spiritual/emotional conflict caused by abortion
last a lifetime, but Bethesda has given me strength to face
my pain, to win the struggle through God's love.
"If you've experienced abortion (whether recent or in the
past), your healing can already have begun by reading this
article. You can recognize-and take responsibility.
"I (or any other Bethesda member) would be glad to
talk with you one-on-one or in our group setting. Reach
out; the support needed for healing is here.
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Seek Help For
The Pain Of Abortion
By S.V.
Bethesda Healing Ministry
How long does it take to be healed? How long does it take
to ask for help?
Bethesda Post-abortion Healing Ministry takes its identity
from the Gospel (John 5:1-5). Seekers of consolation and
healing are like the invalid who, for 38 years, kept returning
daily to the healing pool. Bethesda was the name of the
bath in Aramaic. Traditional stories tell that crowds came,
believing "angels stirred the waters" at certain times of
day, and hoping (should one be in the pool then) to be healed.
Men and women wounded by abortion find company in the man
who kept returning to Bethesda for years. We now understand
that the pain of Post-abortion Syndrome is often repressed
through many defenses, in some cases, for many years.
The hypocrisy of "choice" leaves the abortion-wounded confused
and shameful. The law, culture, even family and friends,
have advocated" choice." A woman often wonders why she doesn't
feel free when leaving the abortionist after the procedure.
She suppresses doubt and pain, wearily making her way into
the future. Her search for remedies for anxiety and stress
is met with medication or therapy, yet no relief is found.
This woman, like the invalid in the Gospel, may make fruitless
efforts to find healing. Sometimes, it takes years to speak
the words, "I have aborted my child: death dwells in me."
At that exact moment, true healing begins.
Jesus, knowing the invalid had been ill many years, asked
the man, "Do you want to get well?" (John 5:5-6).
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Those who minister through Bethesda pray always
to live by the example of the Good Shepherd, who left 99
to find the one that was lost.
Just as Jesus approached the ill man apart from the crowd,
an abortion-wounded person comes to be cured and personally
encounters the Healer. Those coming to Bethesda seeking
consolation and healing, encounter the Good Shepherd, who
shows his mercy and forgiveness.
Bethesda is not only a ministry, but a post-abortion healing
program, a place for real people. Twice monthly, we gather
for sharing, healing and growing. The program is always
open, always inviting, with a heart that never stops beating.
The group is guided by those who continue seeking support
as well as by professional facilitators, mentors and chaplains.
Bethesda's Board of Directors' members each sign a "Statement
of Faithfulness to the Church Magisterium." In a close relationship,
Bethesda works with the Social Concerns and Social Services
departments of the Columbus Diocese, and with many priests.
For the past five years, the ministry has been blessed with
priest/chaplains. The Pontifical College Josephinum graces
us each year by appointing a seminarian to serve Bethesda
as part of his priestly formation experience.
The Bethesda Healing Ministry uses a manual written by the
foundress of the Bethesda House of Mercy in Cleveland, Ohio.
Through working the manual in small groups, attending retreats,
supporting friendships, pastoral team participation, companion
training, reconciliation and Masses of Comfort, those who
waited so long, finally find "safe harbor." All who carry
the abortion experience in their hearts are welcomed. The
group waits in prayer for first contact, and to extend hospitality.
Unashamedly, Catholics, as well as men and women and other
faiths, are most welcome to participate.
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Seeking Reconciliation,
Not Rejection
By Tina and S.V.
Women and men, whose lives have been tragically touched
by abortion suffer not only pain, guilt, feelings of isolation
and self-condemnation, but are often cruelly rejected by
family, friends, and in some cases, even by the clergy.
In a desperate search for forgiveness and with a hunger
to, once again, be worthy of God's love, many with post-abortion
syndrome have in the past reached out for mercy of Christ,
only to be turned away. Having been dealt rejection instead
of absolution so painfully needed to continue in a full
Christian life, uncounted abortion survivors have left the
Church altogether, or when unable to find peace have tried
(some successfully) to take their own lives. Psalm 32:5-7
says this of the remission of sin: "I acknowledged my sin
to You, my guilt I covered not. I said, "I confess my faults
to the Lord, and You took away the guilt of my sin. For
this shall every faithful one pray to You in time of stress..."
Two participants in the Bethesda Post-abortion Healing Ministry
have shared quite contrasting accounts of their efforts
to find reconciliation. V., facing the aftermath of rape
resulting in pregnancy and her decision to abort the child,
sought the counsel of a parish priest. In a deep state of
depression, separated from God's love, she went to the rectory.
The priest, soft-voiced and seeming kind, assured V. that
God forgives the truly repentant. But he added: "unless
you've had an abortion." At these words, all of V.'s hope
for redemption was shattered, and in tears turned and went
home to attempt, unsuccessfully, suicide. Many years later,
through Bethesda, absolution was sought and finally obtained.
Tina shares with us a very different circumstance of reconciliation
that is most like what the efforts of the Bethesda group
are trying
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to help become the standard. In Tina's own
words: "The room is quiet and dark, lit only by candles
of those praying to various saints; each flame representing
the hopes and prayers of faithful. Do I belong here? I wait.
I pray. I wonder. What will the priest say? Do I have the
courage, the faith to ask for the forgiveness so desperately
needed? I'm afraid; I cry.
On a pilgrimage in a foreign land, I sit; the most peaceful
place in which I have ever been, and question my very existence.
At a shrine dedicated to Mary, the mother of God, I question
my temerity, boldness, my brazenness to come before her
asking for her prayers and guidance. What will she say?
How will I respond? Quietly I sit and wait. There is no
judgment or condemnation; only feelings of acceptance and
peace washing over and embracing me. How can this be? I
cry again.
It's my turn now. Mary holds my hand as I walk down the
stairs to meet the priest. I'm still afraid; not so much
of God's judgment, but of man's and my own. Once again I
wonder: Am I ready? How will he react? Can this sin ever
be forgotten? Is this a mistake? I'm not alone, for through
my tears, I meet an old friend who greets me only with forgiveness,
grace and tender mercy, as I walk into His outstretched
arms. He loves me and welcomes me home.
My sin has been forgiven, but I cannot forget the sin. The
bleeding has stopped, now healing can begin. It's so difficult
that sometimes I still cry. The difference? I can quietly
sit and recall that moment of grace, relive that experience
and continue to pray for acceptance of the love and forgiveness
so freely given to me."
Ask and you shall receive (Luke 10:5-13).
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The
Post-abortion Journey Is Easier With God
By Tina and S. V.
We of the Bethesda Post-abortion Healing Ministry know the
healing journey is long, and not an easy one. Taking responsibility
is a major step toward reconciliation and peace. We fully
own the tenet. "I have aborted my child: Death dwells within
me." One way of coming to terms with our abortion(s) is
through writing a letter to our child (children). Tina shares
the following:
What do you say to the son or daughter you've killed to
let them know the true feelings of your heart? How can you
tell of the pain, turmoil, the anguish you've gone through
since that fateful day? How do you forgive yourself for
the harm done to the baby (and to yourself)? The clock can
never be turned back: we can only go forward. The path is
long, the struggles many, but, with God at our side, sharing
our sorrow and pain, the burden becomes lighter. My letter
to Adrienne:
It's been a little over five years since our abortion. I
thought, hoped, it would become easier to deal with, but
it hasn't. I said goodbye to you that day in the only way
I knew how - by asking God to take and keep you safe for
me. Right up until that point-of-no-return, I hadn't really
thought of you as a baby. By the time I truly realized what
I'd done, it was too late. You were gone, and I felt more
alone than ever, and empty.
I futilely tried to convince myself that life's circumstances
would have taken you away from me anyhow. I tried to shift
blame, to deny responsibility, and if at all possible, to
push your existence out of my mind. Yet, in those
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few seconds between realization and your
death, I'd already begun to love you.
The depression, lonely isolation and emptiness that became
part of my life resisted all attempts at healing through
therapy and medication. No amount of trying to forget, or
outright denial, could fill the void. Something was still
missing--you and God. I distanced myself from God, because
I thought he couldn't love me after I chose abortion as
the best solution. During the abortion, I thrust you into
his arms, and ran the other way, fully believing my relationship
with him was dead with no hope of renewal. I'm so glad I
was wrong. It's taken five years to get to this point, and
there's still a long way to go. Now, I've found you, I've
found God, and I'm beginning to find me, again.
When I think of you, Adrienne, I wonder what would it have
been like to hold you; to feel your soft skin; smell baby
powder after your bath; see your first smile, first step;
hear your first word; rock you to sleep, play with, comfort
and laugh with you. Those things, I'll never know.
The empty space inside me is slowly filling with the love
of new friends in Christ; anticipation of holding you in
my arms one day; joy in the giving and receiving of forgiveness;
and faith that God (who was with me all the time even when
I felt alone) will continue to love and hold me in his arms,
no matter what. As he holds us both, I know that you are
closer to my heart now than you were that fateful, fatal
moment. Pray for me and keep me until we meet again.
Love, Mommy
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Trust God and have faith
By: S.V. and Fr.Klee
"For the sorrow
that is according to the will of God produces a repentance
without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of
the world, produces death" (2 Corinthians 7:10).
Sin does
not permanently alienate us from God's love and mercy. In
the forgiving environment of the Bethesda Post-abortion
Healing Ministry, many of us for the first time realize
that our distance from our Father is self-imposed punishment
directed by guilt and shame. Instead of trusting God, having
faith in his life-giving love, we held ourselves up for
"trial": weighed, measured and found wanting, we assumed
our sins of abortion were too great for God to ever forgive.
"In choosing death for our children, we unwittingly chose
death for ourselves" (Bethesda manual). In our states of
grief and pain, we built up walls of defense that do not
protect us; but, like prison cells only separate us from
self-forgiveness and the love of Christ.
Many of us condemned
ourselves to "life sentences without parole" by turning
away from the face of salvation, instead seeking absolution
in worldly, self-destructive behaviors (alcohol, drugs,
promiscuity, suicide attempts). We became like Judas, the
betrayer of Christ. Judas did not reach out for the forgiveness
of God after he "betrayed innocent blood"; the monetary
gain couldn't change his acts nor impact the consequences
of his choices. In deep despair, his spirit far from where
he believed God's mercy could touch him, Judas took his
own life: "I have set before you life and death, the blessing
and the curse. So choose life in order that you may live"
(Deuteronomy 30:19).
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On our healing journey in Bethesda group, we take a positive
example from the apostle Peter. Out of fear, Peter tried
to alienate himself from Christ by denying more than once
that he was a follower. Peter, like most post-abortion survivors,
was horrified at this ability to sin so gravely, and wept
bitterly. Peter didn't, however, despair completely: "On
the other hand, Peter repented unto God. He knew that God's
love triumphs over all sin, great and small. Peter abandoned
himself to the purifying power of divine love and received
pardon and forgiveness" (Bethesda manual).
Post-abortion
survivors don't often truly understand the tremendous depth
of the Father's love. The blood of the sacrificed Son covers
all sin, but it vital that we climb the "prison walls" with
which we've surrounded ourselves, and go with speed and
open hearts toward the safety, spiritual freedom and healing
of the outstretched arms of mercy.
Thinking abortion is
unforgivable is a sin against the Spirit. We need to embrace
faith, acknowledge our sins and allow God to forgive us.
He can restore balance in our lives, and provide a new,
positive perspective, so that, with gratitude, we can walk
the healing journey toward wholeness in his presence. Allowing
our great sin to alienate us from our Father's friendship
keeps us locked in a dark spiritual prison: Don't accept
this sentence of death. Bethesda Post-abortion Healing Ministry
can help you (or someone you know) to turn suffering to
healing, powerful redemption and a full life in the light
of God's love.
Come now.
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